I don't remember

I have spent a lot of time over the past few weeks realizing that my kids are growing up way too fast and feeling like I don't remember our "lasts". We have so many firsts, that the lasts tend to melt away with the months and then they become forgotten. As we celebrated Alex's 7th birthday, I realized with sudden clarity that this 70 pound kid stands with his head almost to my shoulder and in a few short years, he will be looking me in the eye. I don't remember when I stopped carrying him around. It seems that he got heavier and heavier and then all of a sudden I couldn't lift him up on a regular basis anymore. When did that happen? He used to want to hold my hand all of the time and didn't care who saw me smother him with kisses. Now he "plays it cool" and gets embarassed if I try to hold his hand after school. This tall, smart, funny boy is only 10 pounds away from not needing a booster seat in the car. What happened to my baby? I'm sure that I brought him home from the hospital only yesterday. That sweet, always smiling baby has given way to a very tall, confident, smart, funny boy. It seems as though I don't remember when he stopped loving Thomas the Train and started loving StarWars. I don't remember when he stopped having temper tantrums and started fighting back the tears when he gets hurt. When did he learn to read his own books and write his own stories?

I have to admit, I enjoy the fact that my kids are at really great ages. They are fun to take places, everyone uses the toilet and eats with a fork, and they can oftentimes sit still and be patient if necessary. But sometimes it all seems so fleeting, and that in the blink of an eye I will have a teenager on my hands and a whole new set of worries. I am thankful that Avery is still small enough to sit on my lap and snuggle and still request to "rock-a-bye". I don't remember when she stopped getting bottles and started drinking from a cup. I don't remember when she blossomed from a chubby toddler with funny hair to a long legged princess with hair that even Ariel herself would envy. My baby girl is going to be 5 years old and starting kindergarten in the fall. I have to release her to the unknown of an 8 hour school day where I can't control what the other kids do and say. I can only hope that she has the self assuredness to hold herself tall and make good choices. I hope that I have taught her that her self worth comes from within, not from what other people say. I was shocked to find out from her teachers at school that they did not even know that Avery sucks her fingers. When did she stop sucking her fingers in public? She really only does it when she is very tired and at night. One day, not long from now, it will stop altogether and it will make me so sad. I think once it happens it will seem that all vestiges of babyhood will have vanished. It is probably the reason that I have not encouraged her to stop because when she crawls in to my lap with her fingers in her mouth and her blanky, I can still snuggle her up and pretend for a little while anyway, that she is still my baby.