Is school here already?

Holy crap. Here it is already. Another summer gone and another school year started. As I write this I can look out the window into the front yard and see that the first splashes of color have made their way into the maple trees that adorn our yard, and that already some of the leaves have freed themselves from the branches and have come to rest in the green grass. The house is QUIET. Almost eerily so. After 7 1/2 years of always having some little voice right over my shoulder, it is quiet. A strange sense of loneliness has crept in and sits lightly on my shoulder. The kids are off in their own world for 8 hours of the day. I have had the good fortune to have the past couple of weeks off from work, so I have had some unaccustomed time to myself since the kids started school. Amazing how fast the hours fly by when the house is empty. I can do housework like crazy and then actually have time for my kids when they get home from school. But it still seems not quite right. This is always the time of year when my own restlessness kick in and I feel like I need to change something, but I can never put my finger on exactly what. I have all this time... and now what? Do I go back to school? Do I work more? What? I can't quite figure it out. I think I am still getting used to this new found freedom and how to use it productively.

The baby went to Kindergarden. How is that even possible? She loves it and I really think that she was ready, but I still worry. She is the baby of the class. The youngest and has the most to prove to everybody. She is fierce, though, and a scrapper. But still, I worry that I made the right choice for her. Will I regret it later? Only time will tell I suppose. Alex fits right into the second grade. A seasoned veteran of the elementary school, he has all the confidence in the world. Already he is breaking the "mommy ties" and is finding independence in lots of new ways. It is not as hard as I thought it would be. Watching my kids become independent thinkers and doers makes me proud, not sad. When I see that my kids are able to do things for themselves, I feel good about how I am raising them.

This early September day is spectacular. Not a cloud in the sky and the sun is warm, but not scortchingly so. It is a bittersweet end to a summer that went by too fast and yet also went by too slow. I suppose it is a little bit like raising your kids. All of a sudden they are in the hands of another adult for 8 hours of the day and I actually have time to breathe. It has been a long time in coming, yet it happened overnight. The babyhood flies by, yet those days could seem to drag on. I saw a woman pushing two very small children in a stroller this morning, and overwhelmingly I realized to myself that I was very glad that it was not me. My babies are growing up and I am okay with that. I miss my babies that have all at once morphed into real, live little people, but I love these new children just as passionately as I once loved them as babies. I love to have real conversations, I love that one of them can bait my fishing hook for me and actually help me around the house with real chores, I love that they can play outside and I can be inside and I don't have to worry that I will find them wandering down Moody Road, I love the questions and the concerns and the detailed stories about what happened at school and most of all I love watching them learn and grow and and sometimes make mistakes that they can learn from. I miss them while they are away and I look forward to 3:15, but for now I am going to soak up some of the last rays of summer and enjoy the quiet of the day.