I don't remember

I have spent a lot of time over the past few weeks realizing that my kids are growing up way too fast and feeling like I don't remember our "lasts". We have so many firsts, that the lasts tend to melt away with the months and then they become forgotten. As we celebrated Alex's 7th birthday, I realized with sudden clarity that this 70 pound kid stands with his head almost to my shoulder and in a few short years, he will be looking me in the eye. I don't remember when I stopped carrying him around. It seems that he got heavier and heavier and then all of a sudden I couldn't lift him up on a regular basis anymore. When did that happen? He used to want to hold my hand all of the time and didn't care who saw me smother him with kisses. Now he "plays it cool" and gets embarassed if I try to hold his hand after school. This tall, smart, funny boy is only 10 pounds away from not needing a booster seat in the car. What happened to my baby? I'm sure that I brought him home from the hospital only yesterday. That sweet, always smiling baby has given way to a very tall, confident, smart, funny boy. It seems as though I don't remember when he stopped loving Thomas the Train and started loving StarWars. I don't remember when he stopped having temper tantrums and started fighting back the tears when he gets hurt. When did he learn to read his own books and write his own stories?

I have to admit, I enjoy the fact that my kids are at really great ages. They are fun to take places, everyone uses the toilet and eats with a fork, and they can oftentimes sit still and be patient if necessary. But sometimes it all seems so fleeting, and that in the blink of an eye I will have a teenager on my hands and a whole new set of worries. I am thankful that Avery is still small enough to sit on my lap and snuggle and still request to "rock-a-bye". I don't remember when she stopped getting bottles and started drinking from a cup. I don't remember when she blossomed from a chubby toddler with funny hair to a long legged princess with hair that even Ariel herself would envy. My baby girl is going to be 5 years old and starting kindergarten in the fall. I have to release her to the unknown of an 8 hour school day where I can't control what the other kids do and say. I can only hope that she has the self assuredness to hold herself tall and make good choices. I hope that I have taught her that her self worth comes from within, not from what other people say. I was shocked to find out from her teachers at school that they did not even know that Avery sucks her fingers. When did she stop sucking her fingers in public? She really only does it when she is very tired and at night. One day, not long from now, it will stop altogether and it will make me so sad. I think once it happens it will seem that all vestiges of babyhood will have vanished. It is probably the reason that I have not encouraged her to stop because when she crawls in to my lap with her fingers in her mouth and her blanky, I can still snuggle her up and pretend for a little while anyway, that she is still my baby.

Trick or Treat

So I spent a lot of time with my kids this weekend and was lucky enough to take some time out to just have fun with them and be in their element. Friday was Halloween and Alex was a zombie whipping Indiana Jones, and Avery was resplendent as a pirate girl. Both costumes were courtesy of the local Wal-Mart. This year I decided to have a little fun, too. I think that as parents it is so easy to become bogged down in the daily grind of family, work, kids etc... and I am as guilty of it as anyone else, but I also have a very silly/crazy streak that lies dormant most days. Really, I just enjoy making people laugh and don't often get the chance to really let that part of me show. So at the last minute on Friday I bought a long black cape and a bunch of face make-up and in about 15 minutes turned myself into a really creepy Dracula, complete with plastic fangs and fake blood. In essence I was completely unrecognizable to anyone that I passed on the street. Unfortunately, I scared the living shit out of my sweet daughter who was traumatized for a good two hours and requested that I not wear the teeth when I took them trick-or-treating.

And so Halloween for me this year ended up being the most fun I have had since my other favorite Halloween in 1996 when I dressed up as a Christmas tree complete with blinking lights. I went up to people that I knew (and didn't know) and flashed my cape and looked very Dracula-like and really just acted like a total freak just to make people laugh. Once again, I did scare some small children, but for the most part the reaction I got was hilarious. As my friend Kate (adorable as Padme from StarWars) told me "You are borderline creeping me out". I had a ball with my son and Kate's boys as they pretended to vampire hunt and chase me around the yard. My husband drew the line at burying me in the leaves in the front yard so that I could pop up on unsuspecting trick-or-treaters. It was wonderful to feel like a fun mommy.

For the past couple of years my policy has been that Halloween night is a candy free-for-all and the kids can dump out their candy and completely gorge themselves on however much they want to eat in one sitting. I have found that they never eat as much as you expect they would, they don't get cavities, nobody throws up, and they still go to bed at a reasonable hour. This year was no exception and I can't even express how much fun it is to not have to, for just one evening, say no. After the candy frenzy this year the kids got into their pajamas, brushed their teeth and we all snuggled on one big couch and watched the Addams Family. Both kids fell asleep between us and it was one of those moments that I wish I could put in a bottle to preserve the feeling of pure peace and sweetness. It was a great Halloween.

Fading Fast

These autumn days are fading fast and all too soon we will be in the evil clutches of a seeminly endless winter. I really am trying to embrace the ending of warm days and crisp nights. The kids asked me this morning when Christmas is and I realized (!) that it is only 2 1/2 more months away. Soon the frenzy of shopping, baking, holiday parties, and snow will begin and then we will celebrate in another year. It doesn't seem possible. I am looking forward to all of the things we can try this winter with the kids being a little bit older. Skiing at Trollhaugen, snowshoeing, tubing at Wild Mountain, ice skating and lots of trips to the cabin to capitalize on snowmobiling and ice fishing. I am taking a new approach to Christmas this year, and with a few exceptions for the kids, everything that I give will be homemade. Time will tell to see how well that goes.

Today I will be accompanying Avery on a parent/child field trip to the local Interstate Park (state park) which we are so lucky to have almost in our backyard. I will rejoice in the sun, the company of my delightful redheaded companion and 15 of her classmates. We will listen to the naturalist talk to us about the trees, leaves, and our woodland friends as we crunch through the colorful leaves. It will be simple and delightful.

The beginning of Spider Style

I started this blog with the hope of being able to create a legacy for myself and my children. So many times they do or say things that I either do not have the time or the capacity to capture for the permanent record. Hopefully I can create something lasting and maybe along the way learn a thing or too about myself. The name Spider Style came from something that happened a few days ago on one of the last fleeting warm days of late summer/early fall. I was washing dishes and overheard the kids laughing hysterically together (!). This being a miracle in itself, I looked outside and saw them swinging together "spider style" on the swing. For those who don't know what that is, I will attempt to post a picture. In any case, I am so happy and grateful that I got to be a part of that moment of joy and that I was able to capture it in a picture. So for now, Spider Style it is.

Just this morning as I was setting up this blog, Avery (4), my red-headed child extraordinaire, had a full dialogue with herself, assuming different roles and everything. It went something like this.

Principal (Avery in a deep, gruff voice): "Addie, why did you kick Avery in the nuts?"

Addie (Avery in a little girl's voice): "Because she hits and pinches me all day long."

This went on and on with many more lines and characters with Avery intonating all of them.
Avery also still has yet to figure out that she does not have nuts, even though we try explaining it to her time and time again. She has heard it so often from her older brother and friends, that she likes that way that it sounds. Any time that she acquires an injury near the nether region, she grabs herself and gasps dramatically "Oh, my nuts!".